C'est Moi, Catie

Stop reading and start questioning

October 20, 2010 at 10:07 AM | Posted in Gay Rights, Musings | Leave a comment

I haven’t written in a long time – things in my usual area of interest have been moving along pretty well recently, with the impending repeal of DADT, and the unconstitutionality ruling of Prop 8.

But one thing this morning got me a little more riled up than usual: John Langbert, an openly gay father of three, has been stripped of his leadership position for his son’s Boy Scout troop. One issue: how is this not a headlining story? While I’m sure (and sad to say) that this kind of thing probably happens all the time, we should be leveraging the fact that this one is on CNN! More people should be interested, concerned, and CNN should be highlighting this story that deals with not only the errs of one of America’s defining institutions, but the social/judicial foundations that allow it to be so.

That being said, the most frustrating, heartbreaking part of Langbert’s story is the semblance of ease with which the Boy Scouts of America are able to justify what has happened. Here are their reasons as to why this man, who has done nothing wrong except for admitting his homosexuality, has been stripped of his leadership title:

“We do have a policy that avowed gays and atheists are not allowed to be a registered leader or member of Boy Scouts of America,” said Pat Currie, Scout executive with the Circle Ten Council. “It’s a longstanding policy.”

“This is not meant as a social commentary,” [Deron] Smith said. “We do not have an agenda that we’re pushing. We don’t discuss this with our kids. We’re simply an organization that feels like this is the right thing for our membership and we move it forward and we simply focus on our mission. It’s really that simple.”

Besides how ridiculous these arguments sound (to me at least, I guess), what’s almost more crazy is the matter-of-fact candidness they’re delivered with – the Boy Scouts are so comfortable in their reasoning, so sure that it makes sense, that they’re simply releasing them to the media with no remorse or logical justification. They’re just saying, as so many arguments in this arena are made, “That’s just the way it is.”

How long is that going to be OK? This is the place where policy-makers, people in power, and the millions of people who vote, need to take action by asking WHY.

There is a concept in positive psychology called the “Infinitely Regressive Why”: (from Happier, Tal Ben-Shahar), “When we question why we want certain things… we can always question their value with another ‘why?’”

If we start questioning WHY certain policies are in place, and WHY they came from certain foundations, and WHY those foundations came to be, I think we could find some pretty interesting and extremely eye-opening answers, that 9 times out of 10 will be rooted in hate, bigotry, and most importantly, misunderstanding.

Once we understand the deep-seated beliefs behind certain questions:

• WHY do you want to keep marriage between a man and a woman?
• WHY should gays not be allowed to serve in the military?
• WHY is your policy to keep gays and atheists out of leadership roles?

… we will come up with not only intriguing answers, but also the answer to the most important question: HOW are we going to fix this major social and judicial wrong that is discrimination against gays? HOW will we make those who hate, or even just “disagree,” understand, and start to affect change?

Positive psychology (or at least my take on it), holds that the key to affecting change within yourself and across your life is to truly understand how you feel – by starting at the surface and asking WHY – why, why, why, why, why. The final, simplest answer is likely something that affects not just your feelings and behavior in that specific situation, but across the board.

When we start questioning – constantly and infinitely – why things run the way they run here, then we can affect change, right misunderstanding, and start to love.